Is someone in your life bringing you down Heres how to handle it in a way that will push you both forward

Is someone in yur life bringing you down Heres how to handle it in a way that will push you both forwardIs someone in yur life bringing you down Heres how to handle it in a way that will push you both forwardThe fact is, most of us have someone in ur lives whomaybe without even knowing itbrings us down and saps our energy.But the catch, most of the time, is that these are people we cant just remove ourselves entirely from.They might be a brother or a sister, or a parent, or a boss. And because of how important they are to our family or our work, we cant just get rid of themin spite of the fact that they could be holding us back.For a lot of us, these people are serious sources of stress. Just being around them could be a source of stress. We get anxiety over our conflict with them. As a result, we end up arguing with themconstantly. Fighting with them. Confronting them to prove thatwereright and the person on the other side of the desk or dining room table iswrong.Follow Ladders on F lipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreOf course, if your goal is to live the best, healthiest, happiest life possible, this isnt the right approach.The fact is, most of us have someone in our lives whomaybe without even knowing itbrings us down and saps our energy.But the catch, most of the time, is that these are people we cant just remove ourselves entirely from.They might be a brother or a sister, or a parent, or a boss. And because of how important they are to our family or our work, we cant just get rid of themin spite of the fact that they could be holding us back.For a lot of us, these people are serious sources of stress. Just being around them could be a source of stress. We get anxiety over our conflict with them. As a result, we end up arguing with themconstantly. Fighting with them. Confronting them to prove thatwereright and the person on the other side of the desk or dining room table isw rong.Of course, if your goal is to live the best, healthiest, happiest life possible, this isnt the right approach.Its better, instead, to try andempathizewith the controversial people in yourlifeThe reason is simple. By seeking to understand the people in your family or professional orbit, you give yourself a chance of bridging whatever disconnects are causing so much disruption and animosity in your relationships. And, if you give connecting with those people a genuinely fair shake, even if it doesnt work out, youll have at least gained the knowledge and sense of finality you need to distance yourself from them.But you should really give this process a chance before you reach that point you have to reallytryand empathize.And the reason you have to try so hard is because empathy itself is hard. Humans are hardwired to concern ourselves first and foremost with our own problems, sacrifices, and struggles. It takes real effort to disentangle ourselves from our own minds so we can thin k for a moment about the problems other people are dealing with. To understand where they are coming fromwhat inspires their aggression, their fears, and their anxieties.This is a valuable thing to try and do across many aspects of your life, whether it be with foes across the political aisle or the boss who seems irrationally uptight.What youll find is that you really cant understand anyonefriend or enemyuntil you tryreallyhard to step for a second into their shoes.When people feel like theyre being understood, theyre more open to trying to understandyourpoint ofviewThere are more benefits to this than just you gaining a better understanding of the people in your life.When the person bringing you down feels thattheyare understood, theyre more likely to be empathetic towards you, too.And restoring these relationships should ultimately be the primary goal. Moreover, we have to know its possible with effort. Personally, through my work and in my life, Ive watched husbands and wives an d brothers and sisters fight foryearsseemingly to the point that there was no hope. But after making a mutual effort to empathize with each other, Ive seen them improve their relationships. Stop fighting so much. departure loving more.Whats often the most popular weapon used in a fight?You dont understand.As it happens, thats often true. We dont really know the history or events informing the lives and behaviors of the people around us. When relationships flourish, however, is when you try and educate yourself to that end. In fact, your entire relationship could change if you both can commit to this effort.The personal benefits, too, are boundlessLiving empathetically makes us happier and healthier. Youll see. After trying to live empathetically for a week or so, youll feel better. Youll see youre able to recognize the fights for the petty, meaningless things they so often are.Plus, youll give yourself the intelligence and perspective you need to distance yourself as much as you can from the people who deplete your happiness and invest more time in the people whochargeyour batteries instead.No, you cant remove important people from your life. But you can do your best to understand them as people and let them know youcare.Once youve done this, you can then focus on surrounding yourself with people who lift you up.Again, though, before you get to this point, you need to recognize that the people you think you hate or cant stand are complicated and containing multitudes and histories, just like you. The boss who seems to bully you might be struggling with some very real issues born from his past. Your brother might secretly look up to you and resent your success.It benefits you on a personal level to consider those things. It will make you a better person to consider those things, those possibilitieshow the world looks from a perspective different than your own.To deny yourself this chance is to live in willful ignorance. And regardless of if you end up being abl e to save certain relationships, thats just not something successful, healthy people do.This article first appeared on Medium.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people